What will people always need? Printers, of course.

Will the news that Steve Jobs is no longer the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook has made it his first initiative to delay the iPhone 5 and focus all of Apple’s resources on innovation in printer technology.

Well, not really. But check out The Onion’s hilarious report…

“SAN FRANCISCO—Following the resignation of Apple founder Steve Jobs, incoming CEO Tim Cook called a meeting of shareholders and members of the press Thursday morning to announce that he envisioned printers as the company’s future. “Laser, ink-jet, double-sided, color, black-and-white—the future of technology is in printers. I am absolutely convinced of that,” Cook explained to a packed auditorium as a montage of printers and people using printers played on a screen behind him. “What is the one thing people will always need? It’s obvious: printers. Printers with fax machines attached, printers that collate and staple, perhaps a printer that makes photocopies. Anything’s possible. It’s called innovation.” Cook concluded his remarks by assuring investors the release of upcoming Apple products such as the iPhone 5 would be postponed for at least four years so the company could throw all its time and resources into the creation of high-quality printers for the home and office.”

Brilliant.

  • Anon

    I am gonna kill Cook if iPhone 5 doesn’t release this year.

  • I just LOVE the Onion!!!!

    – Eric

  • Rulz

    Is this guy out of his mind?

    • Did you even read the source of this article? It’s The Onion. They create this fake, but hilarious news.

    • Its a joke dude…

  • Ken

    Bright future for samsung. 🙂

    • ed

      +1

  • Dick Fontaine

    Yes, he’s out of his mind, how about you?

  • God

    Lol that’s a joke

  • Juan

    oh geez. i hope we won’t need to jailbreak these printers.

  • kenny

    I wonder what will the 2nd Gen or 3rd Gen of these printers can do. Go ‘Onion’

  • Appleguy

    There goes Apple’s value in the tech world, Apple stock has already started dropping!! Stockholders beware!!

  • MALdito

    “PFFT, HAHAHAHA!”

  • Danjames

    It’s all down hill from here, the iphone 6 will probably be running android! Haha

  • “I’m Thinking Rice Cooker” 🙂

    • Ken

      Are you going to Cook the Apple in it?

  • Mac

    if I become apple CEO first thing I will do
    is to make the iPhone 42 ” size and I will
    call it apple LCD HDTV and everybody will
    enjoy a tv made by apple why wait!!!!

    • Lucky

      if it happens i will be place pre-order..:p

  • babe

    omg, i dont believe the cook idea. Its apple not hp. To make printers you must create consumeables. The consumables prices so high that when calculated printer itself almost free.
    We usually use third party consumeables since the originals pricey.
    Think better ideas cook!

    • Meh

      **facepalm

    • Mohzeen

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      • ur mother

        bad @ss

  • iPrint! lol

  • ur mother

    F^ck this guy

    • ur mother

      F^cking lookalike mothaF^cka