You have to feel for US District Court Judge Lucy Koh. For the past three weeks, she’s had to listen to attorneys from both Apple and Samsung argue over boring technology patents.

On top of that, she’s had to put up with the non-stop shenanigans from both side’s legal teams, such as bickering, stalling, and tedious requests. And today, Koh finally had enough…

Earlier this afternoon, Apple’s attorneys handed in a 75-page briefing covering some 20 witnesses. But with only a few hours left of court time, Koh was livid at the outlandish request:

CNET has the hilarious exchange:

“I am not going to be running around trying to get 75 pages of briefings for people who are not going to be testifying,” U.S. District Judge Lucy Koh told Apple’s lawyer Bill Lee.

“I mean come on. 75 pages! 75 pages! You want me to do an order on 75 pages, (and) unless you’re smoking crack, you know these witnesses aren’t going to be called when you have less than than four hours,” Koh said.”

Smoking crack? As a lawyer, in court, what do you say to that? Lee responded:

“First your honor, I can assure you I am not smoking crack.”

Good answer. Lee went on to say that Apple had no intentions of burdening the court, and they believed they could get to most of the witness. But of course, he complied, and said they would pare down the document.

Tensions are obviously running high in the waning days of the trial, as both sides have just a handful of hours left to plead their cases. The good news is, Koh seems pretty intent on finishing this thing on schedule.

  • So classy…it’s everything we expect from a Judge.

  • wow/lol

  • You have to admit that was pretty funny … I could already see everyones faces in the court room lmao …

  • yup, Apple’s annoying legal team at its best 😛

  • Alec Vanek

    these judges must be really tired of all this.

  • What was this about crack?!?!?

  • sounds like apple is pissing off the wrong person lol

  • @dongiuj

    I read that
    “Apple truly believed it would be able to run through all of its witnesses in the time it has remaining. Jacobs also pointed out that some of those addressed in the document were Samsung’s witnesses, not Apple’s.”
    It’s a little bit different what an apple fan blog writes and what the news reports.

  • You have to feel for these lawyers sometimes, having to fight and argue over things they don’t really believe in but the guy paying them 700$ and hour insists he does… Wait a minute, I don’t feel anything for them at all.

    • No more Obama

      you had me puking on my keyboard for the first half of your comment haha

  • I know this is offensive, but the judge was rude, big time.

    • oh, did her little comment ruffle your iPanties?

      all of these patent wars are chalked full of rudeness and you are getting upset at a judge?

  • air naji

    How do judges get that kind of rank in society speaking like that. So that means when she’s not in court she’s out getting drunk sucking dick! Lol

    • @dongiuj

      Yeah, apples’ and samsungs’ dick. It pays for her crack.

  • Of course!!! This is a conspiracy!!! Why didn’t I see it before? The judge is sooo biased! Please, tell me more!
    I don’t know if you realize this, but there is a thing called the schedule. Apple lawyers arel well aware of that, but yet, they provide this 75-page document… And you wonder why she lost it?
    And I absolutely love how, after judge turned Apple down, the fanboys went beserk! Its quite funny how you think you get to criticize a judge based on a reasonable decision she made. I really don’t know who do you think you are.

  • when is schedule to end this ?