The death of Steve Jobs has been affecting me much more than I anticipated. Just like everyone else, I knew Steve’s days were numbered, yet, I didn’t really prepare myself.

Instead, I did what I sometimes do to unconsciously protect myself. I put my feelings aside and kept ignoring emotions as though they didn’t exist.

When the news broke, I was terribly shocked, but not surprised. At the time, I was very sad, but I think I didn’t process the information right away. Again, I think my brain blocked my feelings to protect me.

As I watched Apple’s celebration of Steve Jobs in Cupertino yesterday, I couldn’t help but feel immensely sad, my eyes filling with tears. A few of them eventually fell on my face.

How did I get there? How can I be so affected by the death of a man whom I had never met? A man that, mind you, I had very much disliked for many years.

Yes, for the longest time, I wasn’t a big fan of Steve Jobs. While I respected the work he had been doing, I really disliked the man as a human being. Steve Jobs was a real asshole. A dictator. A selfish and egocentric man with little regard for the feelings of others.

I remember reading about Steve Jobs’ return to Apple several years ago. The article told the story of how cutting the company’s philanthropic program was one of the first thing he did upon his return in 1997. As an avid Windows user at the time, and someone with great respect for Bill Gates’ charity involvement, I thought Steve Jobs was just what I always had assumed: a big asshole…

And an asshole he was. Just like he proved to be when he denied paternity of his first daughter that was born out of wedlock. But this is not the point of this post.

When Steve Jobs first unveiled the iPhone in 2007, I knew this was the device I had been waiting for all my life. I fell in love with it right away, just like I had fallen in love with my first iPod a few years before that.

Then I created this blog in 2008, a year after the original iPhone launched. iDB was just a hobby that wasn’t generating any revenue, but it was fine because I wasn’t really trying to make money out of it. I just wanted to share my passion for hacking the iPhone and going around Apple’s insane restrictions with the world.

If you’re a long time iDB reader, you know that I’ve always been a harsh critic of Apple and Steve Jobs. I simply couldn’t agree with a company’s philosophy that the user should not be in control, and that Apple knows better than me. Nonsense! I’m a rebel. I don’t need people to tell me what I can and cannot do with my device!

Throughout the years, I got wiser and I guess I lost some of my rebel temper. I started to see the vision of the man. I started to understand. Most importantly, I started to adhere to it. Oh my god, what have I become?

To this day, I still don’t agree 100% with Apple, but I totally understand and respect the choices that its executive team makes. I do not think Apple is evil for creating what might be the biggest digital walled garden. I think they have a different way of looking at things, and I do believe this is for our best. I also believe this is the best strategy for Apple, and one that has certainly paid off.

So, Apple got me. I’m a believer. (Not a fanboy!) Unlike others, I just don’t agree with everything Apple does, and I can be very critical of its actions. I’m not following Apple blindly.

This is all Steve’s fault. He made me what I am today.

I still don’t think the man is a saint, but now I can look passed his assholeness because this is not what matters. What matters to me is how he impacted my life, not how he behaved towards other people. What matters to me, and what should matter to you, is how he has changed our lives forever for the best.

When I look back at the last three years of my life, I am incredibly grateful for what Steve Jobs has done for me. Besides providing me with the best phone and the best computer, he helped me get to where I am today.

In 2009, I quit my comfortable and well-paid job as a marketing executive. The blog wasn’t doing great at the time, but my wife Tina – girlfriend at the time – told me, “Go ahead honey, do it! If you can’t make it at least you will have tried, and no matter what, I’ll be supporting you.”

So,I did it. iDB became more and more popular and I was starting to make a decent living out of it. The nature of this business even allowed Tina and I to take 8 months off and go travel the world. Armed with a laptop, we visited 8 countries, and I was still able to work to finance the trip.

That was the life!

During our travels we met many people who would inevitably ask us what we do for a living and how we could afford this trip, since we lived large. “I’m a blogger. I blog about the iPhone, and that’s how we can pay for this trip.” While other travelers were saving every dollar they could from their tight budget, we were living like kings and queens – which is really not that hard to do in South East Asia. People remarked how lucky I was to have such a job, and I obviously agreed with them.

Now, iDB is a well-oiled machine. We certainly don’t make millions – we’re very very far from it – but we make enough to support myself, two full-time writers, and 2-3 other writers.

Who should I thank for that? Steve Jobs of course.

I never met the guy, and I probably wouldn’t have liked him anyway, but I feel like I owe him a lot. I owe him because I was able to create a sustainable business solely based on products that he created, but I also owe him for the inspiration he provided me.

By “inspiration” I mean that he has mentally stimulated me to feel for and love beautifully designed and engineered products. He has influenced forever my relationship with electronics, what I expect from them, how I use them, and how they affect my life.

This inspiration is what makes me stand behind Apple’s core values. This inspiration is what makes me get up in the morning and walk to my computer with a huge smile on my face, because I love what I do, and I believe in what I do.

With his passing away, I feel like I lost a family member. I know Steve has been looking out for me. He enabled me. He’s allowed me to be where I am today, and for this, I will be forever grateful to him.

As I am typing this on my iMac, I can’t help but think how much better my life is today. And that’s all thanks to Steve.

In the coming years, I feel confident that Steve Jobs will remain a great influence and inspiration not only for me, but also for the world that he helped make a better place.

I will miss you, Steve. I will miss you.

  • chingiz

    wow there how that come out

    • MickBehr

      Nicely written – just fix “passed his assholeness” to “past his assholeness”

    • Solid Snake

      Great job, Seb!

      I kind of agree with the “don’t make a god out of him” thing, but as a teen who runs 3 businesses off my 3GS, I think we all owe him something. RIP Steve Jobs!

  • Aimée

    That was very nicely written! I agree with you completely.

    • chrispx

      +1

  • MrA

    You’re welcome.
    I’m glad my reading has sent you around the world. -_- …….haha

    Really though, keep up the great work!

  • Cristian

    I sympathize with your emotional and well written article. He has indeed affected many of our lives, in many significant ways. Although few people were lucky enough to meet him, he affected a whole generation. I too will miss you, Steve Jobs.

  • Bernardo

    Amen

  • ggmang

    Nicely written. I don’t agree with Apple either but I respect Steve Jobs and Apple immensely for what they have brought into this world.

  • ReanimationXP

    I can’t believe how similar this is to myself. I always knew there was a reason I left MMi and started doing my reading here.

    Here is what I posted to my Facebook (from my iPhone 4) the day Steve died. It’s very similar to what you wrote in many ways 🙂
    ___

    For a chunk of my life I thought I hated Steve Jobs and everything he stood for, and every product Apple made.

    I made fun of the “cult” following of people who loved his products, and thought they were crazy for wanting such useless computers.. how stupid it was to call an MP3 player an “iPod”.

    When the iPhone was released, I again made fun of it for running an OS without third-party apps, and charging $700 for it. I scoffed and joked about how I wanted an iPod like that.. without the phone.

    Then, I got one. And I took it everywhere. And it changed how I did everything. Having the phone portion made an amazing amount of sense, despite the price, and I discovered an underground community that loved this product so much they had already set out to fix it, and already had a small App Store.

    Four years later as I sit here typing on my iPhone 4, it’s clear that Steve flew in the face of everything to change the world, and in turn, my life. Steve is not unlike myself at all, except that he’s better at it. He succeeded, and if it weren’t for him, an amazing new product that is now a deeply integrated part of my everyday life (and dare I say myself) would not exist. I would not have the personal assistant I always wanted and every fathomable piece of information at my fingertips, everywhere I go.

    You succeeded in changing everyones’ lives, Steve. Even haters like me. How many people can say that? We love you for it, and you will be missed.

    R.I.P. Steve.
    -ReanimationXP (Drew Alden)

    • Aimée

      That was very nicely written! Great job!

  • David

    Great Article…. I too have been converted by this amazing man…

  • Kuipo77

    Hey Sebastien, this is a great article. it’s nice of you to show your respects to someone that has a big influence in your life. Keep up the good work!!

  • sOlefresh

    Great article!! Nice to learn more about the guy running the site I love so much! Haha; no but really Sebastian.was a great piece to read!

  • iVan

    you and I crossed paths back when this blog was a baby… Man has it changed… GROWN… I wrote a few articles for you as well… I’m a avid follower and reader of this blog. Followed your critiques and adventures…. Bless you bro… I got teary eyed as well… MISS YOU STEVE.

  • Bomby B Cool

    Couldnt agree more

  • Bomby B Cool

    I Couldnt agree more with u

  • Seb astardien

    This image fits better! http :// imgur .com/AKDRJ

  • Caitlin

    Stop worshipping Steve Jobs like a damn religious moron. He was a great businessman and created great products, but he’s not a god or a saint, as you said. I’m so tired of Apple fans treating the whole Apple culture like a religion. Idolizing electronics is absurd. I’m happy with my iPhone, but everyone acts like a fool when they talk about how great their products are and how much they’ve changed their lives. Sure, they’re one of a kind, but stop getting emotional about inanimate objects and a man you’ve never met.

    • SimonOrJ

      Steve Jobs was an electronic genius on the Earth– I wonder if he went to heaven or hell. He did made great products that “made Apple an idle”. -__-

      • ReanimationXP

        He went to neither, he was smarter than that.. and the word is “idol”.

      • kurt

        sadly hell. he was Buddhist. unless he converted which hasn’t been written about…

    • ReanimationXP

      Stop being an insensitive asshole. People worship inanimate beings called Gods all the time. Why the fuck shouldn’t they worship a person who /actually/ changed their lives?

      • Johnny

        read your own comment. then look at the first sentence you wrote to someone else. do you really not see that you are writing about yourself also?

      • Aimée

        +1!!

    • Anon

      LOL’d.

  • SimonOrJ

    Sebastien, I did left a comment for this blog and I was greatful for the reply!
    However, I recently got Windows 7 Desktop with Intel Core i5 and 6GB of RAM, but the blog is still loading a bit slow. Is it only me, or is it Google Chrome, or Windows Desktop, or…?

    • SimonOrJ

      wait: a comment as in Private Message… I mean the page fully loads but Google’s “+1” button loads last after 5-10 seconds of waiting, which makes the blog freeze.

      • Yes, the +1 button is going to be a goner soon 🙂
        It doesn’t even bring anything positive to this blog.

  • agleung

    He was who he was. He wouldn’t be Steve if he was only a genius. In time, no one will remember Steve as an asshole. Just the Apple legacy. Except, maybe his family will still think he is one.

  • Iamlynda

    Very nice post

  • AppleBits

    Amen, Sebastien. Your blog has been a cornerstone for helping me learn a ton of Apple stuff! I am grateful for that because I never saw myself as an Apple or Mac person….. Until my first iPod. Then iPhone. Then next iPhone, and next, and iPad, and MacBook pro, and iPad 2, apple tv’s…and soon an iMac. I’m not shy to say what I like or don’t about these products. But they are all superior to any other electronics I’ve owned. Steve and his grand ideas have given us sooo much….it’s really a little hard to comprehend. I admit, I cried that day. Never met the guy….but brilliant minds are such a gift…and I’m quite thankful that he put his to use so perfectly. Thanks for this blog, and I’m sorry for our loss.

  • Chris Spence

    Nice article, one of the best I’ve seen on Steve’s passing. I really appreciate your perspective on the good and bad but ultimately the tremendous contribution he made.

    • SimonOrJ

      +!

  • MALdito

    Like the death of a rival or advisairy, now u have an empty void in that love/hate relationship. You never really had ill will towards him but opposed his views. All the while, this made u stronger, better as a person and has had a profound affect on your life. No, its not everyday you say that your gonna miss someone you disliked, but you can still be thankful they where there. Nice Article Seb!

    P.S. Was this your view of Steve?
    (http://www.barnorama.com/wp-content/galleries/03/demotivator7/01.jpg)

  • fdxgncgfn

    He invented some nice stuff, but besides that part of him, he was asshole x10000000. He shut down philanthropy department of Apple, parked in handicapped parking, drove without a license plate, and stuff like that because he was stupid enough to think e was special and better than everyone else. BTW, its his fault he died, he chose not to get operated on.

  • bob

    Everyone grow up some day. It will be nice to look at someone goods than bads. Well written.

  • Awesome tribute, Seb.

  • mohgui

    iDB is still my favorite among the many iPhone blogs around. i like how some of the blogs are humourously written as well as the witty banters between pro-iPhone and pro-Android readers.

    keep it up Sebestien… you did a great job here.

  • Alvin

    fantastic article..thanks iDB and Steve..

  • Denbako

    Sob, sob,sob

  • Bob

    tl;dr

  • bossmads Danish

    +2 🙂

  • You know, Seb? You are not alone.

    I’m an Emergency Physician. 37 y/o. I’ve been following iDB since Oct 2010.

    I have done lots of jailbreaks on iDevices my colleagues, interns and nurses made me. I only charge them with 1 venti of Starbucks hot chocolate. They consult me on almost anything with regards to all Mac products. My friends jokingly tell me to quit my jobs at 4 hospitals and build a Mac retail store which offers Jailbreaking for those who want to.

    Now, reading your article is giving me a big push. What do you think?

    • theda

      First i’d check to make sure its not anyway illegal, then i would say the hell with it….GO FOR IT. I am also like you with JB’n people iDevices all the time. But it isnt enough for me to want to make a job out of it, people would hound to much with a new iDevice about where is my JB….But if you think you can make then i say go for it.

    • Solid Snake

      Go for it, man!

  • AsianLeader

    I started to become a big fan of this blog, hell I even check it more frequent than facebook 🙂
    Nice job Sebastien ….

  • Me

    He cut the philanphropic program and then headed the invention of the iPhone.

    Stop giving to the poor but still taking from the rich?

    To the person who claimed Steve was an electronics genius, he merely stood on the shoulders of giants like Dennis Ritchie. That’s not to deny that the man wasn’t a visionary though.

  • Well said Seb, i admire how you actually used the chance of inspiration to create something thats considered today a very reliable source of info, to iphoner/ jailbreakers . Now you inspire others, including myself. Great Job man 🙂

  • sthrngrl

    Awesome blog post. If it wasn’t for this blog I would still be an krackleberry fan! Thanks for enlightening me to the byte of an Apple. I think Steve Jobs was a different kind of drummer who marched to his own beats, and for that I can respect his faults, flaws and everything that made him who he was.

  • Ru folk

    Hmm, but not Steve jobs designed your iphones, not Steve Jobs made them and projected it, and of course he didn’t writed all this code for it.
    But he gave some ideas to apple employes, and made some kind of apple philosophy.
    It’s like…
    “Bill Gates made windows98 by himself ONLY!”
    That sounds weird,yeah? But without him windows and microsoft would be impossible.

    Also, as you could notice, some guy named Dennis Ritchie died some days after Steve.
    And do _you_ know WHAT he did?
    Without him C would not possible! And without C(programming language) almost ANY software would not be possible. Linux kernel is writen in C,as example.
    But he writed C with his collegue, Ken Thompson, as Steve founded Apple not alone.
    Also, he made UNIX, a system on which all those iOS and Mac Os,and solaris and many others systems based.
    And you know what? There wasn’t so many posts like this article, but it’s because Dennis wasn’t very public.
    And everytime someone public dies, like Michael Jackson (as example), many will cry about it.
    What will microsoft fans will do if Bill Gates will die? They will be sad, of course. And many blamed him for so much times, just like someones blamed Steve. What will do Mac fans in this situation?..
    And if you miss Steve – that’s normal.
    P.s.
    By this post, i don’t try to abuse anyone or make any holywar, i just want to share my opinion to this article, and of course i don’t want to abuse founder of this blog or any other writers and such.
    And sorry if i’m wrong with spelling or grammar somewhere, English is not my native language.

  • Amazingly well said

  • Well said man. Love this post. Big respect for Steve, you and your wife.

  • khaled_cs

    Extremely well said, i always speed reed the blogs but this article made me slow down and read it word for word

    fare well steve, you will forever be missed

    • Vitica7

      +1

  • Piseth

    It’s sad. I kinda feel the same when i first knew the news. Very well-written.

  • Isaac

    Man, you should send this to Apple, Tim Cook would be pleased to read it

  • You are certainly not alone, Sebastien, in how Steve Jobs touched your life. Though I haven’t taken the plunge to work in the iWorld full time, the introduction of the Apple iDevice ecosystem has completely changed my life, allowing me to start my own business developing software for the devices. If the iPhone had never been created, I would be a very different person today, and though there was a later team behind Jobs creating those devices, it was his inspiration, innovation and imagination that ultimately made them the devices they are today.

  • Ashi

    wohooo – great one…….

  • Hitul

    I Miss You Too Steve 🙁

  • Nice one Seb… you have captured the mixed emotions about Steve, who know him through the keynotes and from magazines (about his cold heart)… Oh yeah, every human is controversial…

    Think the simplicity in his products impacts us much… Once you start using apple products, you will fell in love with it (i only have iphone no other apple products). I’m not an apple fan boy, but the i like the uniqueness in their products…

    We miss you Steve…

  • Eric

    Steve Jobs has affected anyone that loves electronics. Whether you like it or not. I have owned all the devices minus the iPad 2 and iPhone 3G. Plus my wife and I have a macbook pro each, and a 24″ iMac. My son is only 2 and knows how to use the ipad better than most people. There are apps that teaches him things and that will forever affect his life too. Growing up he will have the ipad 8 or 9 or whatever and look back and laugh at the iPad 3 like we do the Atari. I am only 30 years and I too was a long user of WIndows, and I will never look back. Thanks Steve for everything you have done and are still contributing to with all these great pieces of technology you left behind. R.I.P Steve Jobs.

  • maxman

    We Will think About You Forever and rest in peace Brother….

  • John

    I love steve,